Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I’ll Take a Candy and a Gold Bar, Please


It’s tough out there as any normal American consumer – hey just about every global consumer – can tell you. Job availability, consumer spending and housing prices are down. Bankruptcies, foreclosures and layoffs are up. And with gold prices soaring, seems like the perfect time to start setting up… well, like this is so totally obvious… gold vending machines! Yeah, Baby! Try this from Germany’s Gold-to-Go’s own Website:

A simple and brilliant principle: Put your money in and pick your gold

The GOLD to go® vending machine is an unmanned point of sale. It offers an extraordinary opportunity to purchase gold bars and coins of assured quality, backed by the security of a Swabian Fort Knox® and with the ease-of-use of a vending machine. Prices are updated in real-time. The GOLD to go® gold vending machine is largely burglar-proof and tamper-resistant. It has an excellent user guidance, which makes it very easy to handle.

In the standard version, our GOLD to go® ATM’s are equipped with the following products (alternative product portfolio is possible, depending on the requirements of the respective location):

All these come in a precious gift box.

I love the word “largely” in the “burglar proof” claim; there’s a really clear “bad movie” visual in this description. I can also picture this concept flying like a carpet in oil-rich sheikdoms, and indeed you can saunter up to one of these glamorous puppies in places like the Emirates Palace Hotel in Abu Dhabi and charge your little heart out on these golden marvels.


In the May 15, 2009 Coolthings.com, they noted the plan for these machines in Europe: “A planned 500 Gold-To-Go ‘ATMs’ are being considered for rollout across Germany, Switzerland and Austria this year, pending results of the ongoing market study. If it pushes through, expect the gold-pimps to profit nicely, considering the 31 Euro price tag for the thing that comes out of the vending machines represent a 30% markup in the market price of the precious metal.” According to MSNBC (September 27th), the rollout is fully underway a year and a half later: “They are now operating in luxury hotels in Abu Dhabi, Bergamo and Madrid as well as around Germany.” The company expects to have 35 of these vending machines in service this year.


But like, in the United States? Huh? I’m seeing a drive-by, crash-n-snatch with a bulldozer and a very large truck! Nah! They wouldn’t open these “thangs” here, would they? Well, er, yes, actually. MSNBC: “The company's plans include expansion into the United States this year, first in Florida and then in Las Vegas, [the company’s CEO, Thomas] Geissler said.” This world is getting stranger by the minute. Ausgezeichnet?


I’m Peter Dekom, and some stories are… well… irresistible!

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