Just Fine

To most men, these words are, well, “just fine.” “Good.” “Okay.” Nothing needs to be changed.” To a woman, often, these words are “verbal death” if they are “in response to any inquiry of a male as to any aspect of “looks” or fashion. It’s kind of like answering “not really” to the question of “does this [insert item of apparel] make me look fat?” Humor, perhaps, but society often defines men in terms of their income-generating capacity and women in terms of their looks. Even as so many more women out-earn their male counterparts and too many wealthy men need to look at themselves in the mirror (emotionally as well as physically). Stereotypes that are taken seriously. Ageism. Weightism. Wealthism.

But the biggest social pressures seem to remain on women. We’ve seen recent mini-trends where older women have recently been featured in fashion and cosmetics ads. Writes 74-year-old model, Sandra Howard: “Nowadays, we’re all glad to be grey. Or so we’re told… Apparently it’s never been so fashionable to be wrinkly… Look at the L’Oreal advertisements starring Dame Helen Mirren, 69. Who wouldn’t want to look like her — whatever their age? Or for that matter, like Charlotte Rampling, 68, who smouldered in last year’s campaign for Nars cosmetics? These women are allowed to look beautiful rather than bizarre. And as they know so well, real style is ageless…

“Look at the novelist Joan Didion in the new ultra-cool photo shoot for high-end French fashion brand Celine, wearing a tight black pullover, giant sunglasses and what looks like a brass cowbell around her neck. She’s 80… Or the latest campaign from Dolce & Gabbana. No skinny scantily-clad 20-somethings here, but instead three old women in widow’s black — very chic, naturally — clasping D&G’s latest must-have handbags. I’m guessing they’re all well past their 70th birthday.” Dailymail.co.uk, February 16^th.

Even heavier models are making their way into the hot advertising world. Size 16, bikini-clad Ashley Graham, 26, snagged a place in this year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, for example. The notion of what is “beautiful” seems to be expanding for our Western sensibilities… or so it seems. But there are just too many women whose self-esteem is still pegged to young and skinny. I remember hugging Audrey Hepburn, then 66, shortly before she passed away. There was nothing about that woman that wasn’t super-perfect. She blew away woman less than half her age. Helen Mirren still turns heads and probably always will.

But there is a huge industry that thrives on women (and many men) with harsh self-body images. They don’t want people to feel comfortable unless they are perfect. From cosmetic surgeons, skin-care rejuvenators and diet programs: “The mainstream media often sets the standard for what's seen as beautiful and valuable. (This also includes a $60 billion-a-year diet industry that thrives on making folks feel bad about their bodies.) Sexism also plays a role in making women feel insecure, [one dieter] notes: ‘Women are socialized to constantly monitor their own bodies and to make sure that they don't take up too much space.’ Let's not forget about influences from our social circle. Love them or not, they're part of the problem too because, in [one dieter’s] words, ‘our friends and our parents diet, and body image issues seep into our brain.’” UpWorthy.com, February 16^th. Not that most of these diets create longer-sustainability anyway… when they work at all.

The problem, however, is that too many people – men and women – simply write off those who are heavier or older from the realm of “wow-attractive.” Are the above mini-trends making much of a difference, or are people still clinging to the traditional young and skinny definition of beauty, epithets that apply to the millions of most models in fashion photos and ads?

“In fact, 1 in 3 female students who were polled in a big 'ole survey in the U.K. admitted to being OK with cutting months or years off of their lives to have ‘the perfect body.’… [T]hey were willing to DIE.” UpWorthy.com. Let’s face it, U.S. attitudes pretty much mirror those statistics. Sadly, this trend even reaches pre-teen girls: “In a survey of girls 9 and 10 years old, 40% have tried to lose weight, according to an ongoing study funded by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute.” Depts.Washington.edu (Teen Health and the Media).

Responding to demands of organizations dealing with eating disorders, Israel has even passed a law that bans overly-skinny models. The statute “requires models to produce a medical report no older than three months at every shoot for the Israeli market, stating that they are not malnourished by World Health Organization standards… The U.N. agency relies on the body mass index, calculated by factors of weight and height. WHO says a body mass index below 18.5 indicates malnutrition. According to that standard, a woman 1.72 meters tall (5-feet-8) should weigh no less than 119 pounds (54 kilograms).

“Also, any advertisement published for the Israeli market must have a clearly written notice disclosing if its models were made to look thinner by digital manipulation. The law does not apply to foreign publications sold in Israel.” Huffington Post, March 20, 2012. Should our Congress follow suit?

Photoshopping takes this trend one giant step further, making thinner-and-more-flawless-than-reality the standard that too many women and girls (and their male counterparts) believe is their target look. And then there was the recent viral image of Cindy Crawford, featuring an otherwise tight belly showing pretty normal signs of childbirth. “An unretouched photo of Cindy Crawford in lingerie is going viral. But it’s not for the reasons you might expect. What’s causing the stir isn’t the 48-year old supermodel’s sexy pose, but the surprise of seeing what an un-Photoshopped body looks like (albeit a pretty amazing one). The photo, leaked on Twitter from a 2013 Marie Claire Mexico and Latin America cover story, shows the mother-of-two looking gorgeous, but not flawless. And unfortunately, for many people that’s a shock.” YahooBeauty.com, February 16^th.  Marie Claire almost didn’t publish that picture.

It’s sad, really, that so many fantastic people cannot live in their own skin… or that they are judged, often promoted and compensated, based on body weight, age and general looks. It’s time for us all to take a good long look at our own attitudes and how they shape our perceptions and behavior towards others. Are we guilty of judging that human book by its cover?

I’m Peter Dekom, and by looking at our own biases, perhaps we can make the world a friendlier place for the huge diversity of human existence.