She Hate Me, But She’s Never Talked to Me

She Hate Me, But She’s Never Met Me

Red Date/Blue Date but What About Red/Blue Dating?

Gen Z just might define the permanence of political polarization in America. Years ago, I dated a future evangelical minister, born in Oklahoma but presiding over a ministry in Orange County, California. After a few years, she could no longer support the passionate rightwing hatred all around her. That realization resulted in a divorce and a need, for economic reasons, to return to Oklahoma City with one teen and a pre-teen in tow. She believed in treating all people with dignity, not sitting in judgment of others, and embrace what would have to be described as liberal views… while still maintaining her faith. Until her death this year, we corresponded as old friends. She complained that her children, in public school (from California to Oklahoma), were adopting the Trumpian world of “us” vs “them,” and she could not convince them to be tolerant and to avoid bigoted labeling.

Severely held MAGA beliefs, and the reverse, has created many divorces, and family “I’m right, and you are dangerous” feuds. The legitimization of mendacious conspiracy theories and the influence of highly filtered media almost guarantees that the polarization that is ripping us apart will continue for a very long time. As we embrace this nasty trend, it is particularly informative to examine the impact of political identification within dating patterns. Strong political leanings grow with age. However, since the generation currently most involved in dating – Generation Z – is establishing this coupling bias, it represents a salient place to start.

Let’s begin with the observations and research from Gen Z writer Dace Potas (USA Today, June 22nd): “In America, 40% of young women in America identify as liberal compared with only 25% of their male peers. On the other hand, 29% of young men identify as conservative compared with 21% of their female peers… Gen Z's differences impact how we interact with each other…A widening gender divide in ideology is a much deeper problem than the red or blue team winning. The true ramification for the ideological disparity reflects Gen Z men and women entering a difficult path to relationships and friendships.

“Polling suggests that more than 70% of college Democrats wouldn’t go on a date with a Republican, whereas the opposite is just 31%. Thirty-seven percent of young Democrats wouldn’t even be friends with a Republican. Women are much more likely to take this position, with 59% of women from both parties saying they would not go on a date with someone who voted opposite them… This environment hostile to the diversity of thought through social pressure goes against what my generation should be looking for at this point in their lives, which is an environment where you can be exposed to a wide array of ideas without fear of social retaliation…

“Since the #MeToo movement, young women have pioneered social media activism. That momentum carried over into the years following, under Donald Trump’s tumultuous presidency and into the overturning of Roe v. Wade… At the same time, men are undergoing a somewhat reactionary response to all of this. Faux-masculine influencers like Andrew Tate have become popular among young men, and we have shifted even more in favor of Trump...

“Nearly half of men ages 18-29 now say there is discrimination against us in American society, up double-digit points from just 2019, and 53% of single men say they are reluctant to approach women for fear of being seen as ‘creepy.’... Right or not, men have taken a step back in dating for fear of being swept up in the never-ending collection of stories women share about uncomfortable interactions they've had with men. The more we divide politically and socially, the more young men will turn to poisonous ideologies that degrade their understanding of how to interact with women even further.”

Adding to this dialog is Gen Z journalist/novelist, Jessica Grose, presenting an OpEd in the February 7th New York Times: “Gen Z has become known for its general distrust of societal institutions, but it’s a generation still coming of age. I often wonder if the ugliness of our polarized landscape is having a moderating effect on younger daters, who see the rancor and division and largely want no part of it.

“Though there is evidence of a liberal tilt among millennials and Gen Z-ers, a new report from the Public Religion Research Institute found a marked difference between Gen Z adults and Gen Z teens: Gen Z teens are more moderate than Gen Z adults, and they’re also more likely to have no political affiliation. And the political gender gap among Gen Z teens is smaller than the political gender gap among Gen Z adults, with 27 percent of teenage girls and 21 percent of teenage boys identifying as liberal.” So how does this impact “today”?

2024 is a particularly interesting election year as the Gaza issue has only fueled Gen Z polarization on yet another level. Potas, who admittedly leans conservative, makes this observation based on recent elections: “While 18- to 29-year-old women were the largest single age/gender demographic voting for President Joe Biden in 2020, just shy of 70%, Gen Z men were only 2 points behind them as the second largest… However, if we jump to the 2022 election, after the overturning of Roe, the rift widens: 71% of young women voted for a Democrat in their respective House race, whereas men did just 53% of the time. And 42% of young men voted Republican, compared with only 26% of women.

“Even if the supposed gender divide doesn’t appear in the ballot box in 2024 or future elections, there is still cause for concern. The future of Gen Z’s relationships, both platonic and romantic, is at stake under such a divide. The ballot box is one issue, but that is left to the parties to capitalize on. The far more daunting issue is a cultural one, which is up to us to fix ourselves.” But with the national cry for people to pick sides and be militant about it, exactly what will it take to dial down the resulting animosity? And if we do not….

I’m Peter Dekom, and this “great dating divide” only seems to perpetuate our most toxic polarization and habit to marginalize those with very strong, but different, political beliefs.