Pain in the Web

While social media have, in one form or another, become “command and control” systems for raging rebel commanders in some of the most volatile regions in the world, as our connectivity can almost instantly produce thousands of angry protestors (rioters?) through digital linkage, hacking can shut down vital systems or expose sensitive personal information to those with criminal intent, there is a smaller pernicious force that attacks across the Web: digital cruelty.

“Anyone who has ever been online has witnessed, or been virtually walloped by, a mean comment. ‘If you’re going to be a blogger, if you’re going to tweet stuff, you better develop a tough skin,’ said John Suler, a professor of psychology at Rider University who specializes in what he refers to as cyberpsychology. Some 69 percent of adult social media users said they ‘have seen people being mean and cruel to others on social network sites,’ according to a 2011 report from the Pew Research Center’s Internet and American Life Project.

“Posts run the gamut from barbs to sadistic antics by trolls who intentionally strive to distress or provoke. [In late August], Zelda Williams, the daughter of Robin Williams, said she was going off Twitter, possibly for good, after brutal tweets by trolls about her father’s death. Yet comments do not even have to be that malevolent to be hurtful. The author Anne Rice signed a petition a few months ago asking Amazon.com to ban anonymous reviews after experiencing ‘personal insults and harassing posts,’ as she put it on the site of the petition, Change.org. Whether you’re a celebrity author or a mom with a décor blog, you’re fair game. Anyone with a Twitter account and a mean streak can try to parachute into your psyche.

“In the virtual world, anonymity and invisibility help us feel uninhibited. Some people are inspired to behave with greater kindness; others unleash their dark side. Trolls, who some researchers think could be mentally unbalanced, say the kinds of things that do not warrant deep introspection; their singular goal is to elicit pain. But then there are those people whose comments, while nasty, present an opportunity to learn something about ourselves.” Stehpanie Rosenbloom writing for the New York Times, August 23^rd.

Understanding this willingness to attack online, people empowered by anonymity and not actually having to see the actual pain there are inflicting since they cannot actually witness the physical and emotional impact of their scathing attacks, is more complicated that one might think. Even as some states adapt laws against certain kinds of public ridicule – the kind of cyber-stalking or cyber-bullying that has led more than one young person to suicide or bans against posting online naked pictures of others without consent – there is this huge, unregulated mass of communications where total fabrications sit side-by-side with factual presentations, where malice sits atop curiosity and simple opinion.

“Professor Suler wrote in 2004 in the journal CyberPsychology & Behavior about a concept known as ‘the online disinhibition effect’ — the idea that ‘people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn’t ordinarily say and do in the face-to-face world.’ In the virtual realm, factors including anonymity, invisibility and lack of authority allow disinhibition to flourish. The result can be benign (‘unusual acts of kindness and generosity’), or it can be toxic: ‘rude language, harsh criticisms, anger, hatred, even threats,’ as Professor Suler put it.

“The latter is the realm of trolls. Some people think of their online life ‘as a kind of game with rules and norms that don’t apply to everyday living,’ he wrote, a game for which they do not feel responsible. If bloggers and people who use social networks keep this concept in mind, he said, ‘they will see the psychology’ of aggressors, and their comments may be easier to take — and possibly ignore. Sometimes it’s smart to do as Ms. Williams ultimately did: disconnect.” Rosenbloom. Or picture the mental state of the attacker, while reminding yourself of who you really are and what you really have accomplished. Getting into an active-mind “flow” in what you really do, keeping busy and not dwelling on the negative. Indeed some of these attacks are so awful, they are humorous, and humor is a terrific coping mechanism. Or just move on.

Or how about this approach: “Turns out they may be on to something. In the quest to quell the cruel, we often fail to savor the good. And there is, despite the meanies, much good whirring around cyberspace. Some 70 percent of Internet users said they ‘had been treated kindly or generously by others online,’ according to a Pew report early this year.” Rosenbloom. The times for serious damage control or legal action are rare, but once and a while a vicious rumor can destroy a business or a life, and it is time to seek professional assistance to put out that fire.

 I’m Peter Dekom, and putting yourself out there, day after day, is simply not a world of constant smooth sailing in calm waters.