Will You Will Rude the Day

 

“Re-entry into polite society is proving to be a little bumpy.” 

Time Magazine (10/15/21)

Whether it’s a scene of right-wing mobs attacking the Capitol on January 6th, unprovoked assaults on Asians, physical confrontations over mask mandates in restaurants and on airline flights or mob threats to school boards trying to wade through divisive issues while protecting the health of their young student charges… we seem to be mired somewhere between a flood of domestic terrorism to out-and-out self-centered rudeness.  Lots of smart phone and CCTV videos, throw in a few police bodycams, all provide ample evidence of this “my rights and my opinions matter; yours do not” escalating social malignancy. It could be a period of adjustment as COVID subsides or it could be a much more serious reflection of a nation unable to hold together. 

For some, it is just a new rudeness that seems to have been ushered in and legitimized by a former president who loved to insult, goad and blame. Simply put, anger management has left the building. COVID escalated our fears. Social media was an unfortunate accelerant, allowing once distant groups with fringe opinions to aggregate into menacing rudeness and out-and-out violent expressions as group-sanctioned or even mandated actions.  We’ve become so jaded and used to social violence that there are even cases where bystanders just watched (sometimes with smart phones capturing the event) but did nothing else.

For example, in mid-October, “A 35-year-old man in Pennsylvania is facing rape and assault charges after a woman was sexually assaulted on board a public transit train Wednesday night as riders witnessed the attack but did not intervene, authorities said on Friday [10/15]… The woman was assaulted… while riding the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) Market-Frankford line towards the town of Upper Darby…

“Surveillance video captured the entirety of the assault, giving investigators enough evidence to charge [Fiston] Ngoy with rape and assault, [Police Superintendent Timothy] Bernhardt told NBC Philadelphia… The video also shows how riders, who also witnessed the attack, did nothing to help the woman being assaulted, according to Bernhardt.” NBC News, October 16th. What’s going on here? The October 15th edition of Time Magazine addresses this seemingly rising trend of self-centered rudeness that has affected the entire nation:

“September 2021 was a bad month for manners. On the 21st, a woman pulled a gun on servers at a Philadelphia fast food restaurant when they asked her to order online. On the 16th, several women from Texas pummeled a hostess at a New York City family-style restaurant. A few days prior to that a Connecticut mother was investigated for slapping an elementary school bus driver and that same week, a California woman was charged with felony assault for attacking a SouthWest airlines flight attendant and dislodging some of her teeth…

“Of course, it’s the people-have-lost-their-everloving-minds incidents that make the news, but they are also a reflection of a deeper trend; Americans appear to have forgotten their manners, especially with those whose job it is to assist them. Lawyers are reporting ruder clients. Restaurants are reporting ruder clients. Flight attendants, for whom rude clients are no novelty, are reporting mayhem. (FAA fines for unruly behavior have already exceeded a million dollars this year.) So legion are the reports of discourtesy that some customer-facing businesses have been forced to play Miss Manners…

“‘We’re going through a time where physiologically, people’s threat system is at a heightened level,’ says Bernard Golden, a psychologist and the author of Overcoming Destructive Anger. This period of threat has been so long that it may have had a damaging effect on people’s mental health, which for many has then been further debilitated by isolation, loss of resources, the death of loved ones and reduced social support. ‘During COVID there has been an increase in anxiety, a reported increase in depression, and an increased demand for mental health services,’ he adds... ‘Half the people fear COVID,’ says Golden. ‘Half the people fear being controlled.’

“Heightening the anxiety, the current situation is completely unfamiliar to most people. ‘Nobody expected what happened. We didn’t have time to prepare psychologically,’ says Cristina Bicchieri, director of the Center for Social Norms and Behavioral Dynamics at the University of Pennsylvania. Then, just as it seemed like the danger had passed, other limitations arrived; staff shortages, product shortages, longer delivery times… This is an atmosphere which can ruffle even normally very calm people, or in which very slight infractions can set off those with less of a handle on their emotions. (And with an overloaded mental health care system, those who need help may not be getting it.)…

“It’s not a coincidence, psychologists say, that much of the incivility occurs towards people who are in customer service industries. ‘People feel almost entitled to be rude to people who are not in a position of power,’ says Hans Steiner, emeritus professor of psychiatry at Stanford University. ‘Especially when they come at them, and remind them of the fact that they have to do their piece to get rid of this pandemic.’… The workers who are now in charge of enforcing rules are traditionally regarded as caregivers and servers. The power dynamic has been completely upended. And of course, it’s always easier to punch down. ‘It’s displaced anger,’ says Bernard. ‘They’re angry about other things but they take it out in those encounters.’

“‘It wasn’t like Americans were exactly overlooking their differences before the pandemic. Some researchers point to the increase in crude public discourse, both from political leaders and in online discussion—which encourages outsized emotions—as the gateway rudeness that has led to the current wave. ‘We don’t filter ourselves as much as we used to,’ says Bernard. ‘On the internet, people feel like they can say anything. They no longer guard themselves. And I think they transfer that lack of filter into public life. I think from leadership that we’ve had in the last number of years, that’s only been more encouraged.’

“But it goes deeper: Impolite interactions are not the only thing that’s on the rise; crimes are too. ‘We’re seeing measurable increases in all kinds of crimes, so that suggests to me that there is something changing,’ says Jay Van Bavel, associate professor of psychology and neural science, and co-author of a book on social harmony, The Power of Us, that came out in September. He suggests the reasons for the rise in both are structural and profound; America has lost sense of social cohesion, as a result of the widening gaps between the wealthy and working class. ‘The more inequality you get—which has gotten really bad in the last few decades—the less of a sense of cohesion there are across socioeconomic classes,’ he says. ‘That’s something that if that’s not addressed is going to continue to cause turmoil.’” 

I guess this explains why crime is down with one glaring exception: crimes of violence, especially murder (up 30%). Are we really “Americans” anymore? Do we care about others, especially if their opinions and beliefs are dramatically different from our own? And if we do not “get over it,” can the nation last as the United States of America? Will rising generations reject this “era of insults and violence” or perpetuate it?

I’m Peter Dekom, and this trend is not just about rising rudeness; it actually goes to the core of the sustainability of our nationhood.